All your life, you wish for everything to work out wonderfully–like a well orchestrated symphony combining melody and harmony together in a flawless and riveting concerto. Good luck.

I am a planner–I plan anything and everything. However, if I have learned anything this past year, it is that I cannot plan my life. I have tried endlessly to fight against this truth, only to end up exhausted, frustrated, and hungering for direction and purpose. Turns out uncertainty was not all I was fighting. I was fighting God.

Wishing for my life to turn out a certain way, hoping for the best, and always dreaming about the future is an easy thing to do. Watching  other people’s lives come together, while you are struggling to find direction is not easy. It is hard. Eventually, your big dreams and fond hopes begin to diminish and you are left viewing your life from the back seat. You sit back and not only watch other’s lives unfold, you watch your own with no hope for the outcome. Well that was depressing.

You cannot wish your whole life, nor can you watch your life from the sidelines. The alternative? Waiting; it’s hard, no it’s really hard. It involved not dreaming aimlessly for the best, or reveling in self-pity, but humbly acknowledging that there is a time, a place, a season for everything under the sun, and the God of the universe is in control of life itself. Waiting patiently on God is the most beautiful thing. It involves complete submission to His will, not your own.

This does not imply a passive approach to life–one spent sitting around and lazily “waiting on God”. I have learned to take comfort in God’s plan for my life–His perfect plan. I have learned to act according to faith and trust in God, and then not worry about the rest.

Planning involves taking control of a situation, ultimately a situation belonging to God. Do not fight Him. Waiting is difficult because although His plan is perfect, it is perfectly unknown. However, act in faith and His plan will be made known. Trust and wait upon His name.

Wishing is easy. Watching is hard. Waiting is harder, but it implies perfect submission to God’s plan for your life. Be content where you are–you may not understand when, why, or how, but you don’t have to.

Wait on God; He’s waiting for you.

The above thought was saved in a draft from earlier this semester. My current response to the previous statement? Finally–it only took 20 years to get there.

It is true that life is full of pain. People come in and out–sometimes for good, other times not. It is true that pain cuts deep and that scars can remain for years. It is true that pain causes you to shut down and refuse to need anyone. Pain is real and its effects last. I know.

However, when hurt seems to be the theme of life, it eats away at all joy; the selfish dwelling on wounds naturally leads to emptiness. I have learned one thing this semester: the converse of emptiness, is joy. I was empty, but now, I am joyful.

What does it mean to be joyful? Many presume joy to be a sort of cheesy happiness that accompanies those “Bible thumping Christians”. We’ve all met them, the kind of over the top, “are you really happy, or are you just pretending?” category of individuals.

The joy I have come to know is not this sort. Rather, it is a subtle satisfaction in God’s plan for my life, regardless of whether I understand that plan. It is an acknowledgement that I have been hurt, and I have hurt. I have scars, and I have scarred. I have pain, and I have pained.

Through a series of difficult situations, I became empty and apathetic; no feeling remained within me, not even pain. I felt nothing. Good–I should be empty. I finally arrived at the place in which true joy could enter. For the first time ever, I was so hurt and entirely empty, that my heart was rid of all hurt and ready for joy.

I am joyful because I am a daughter of Christ. My worth, my future, and my present situation are entirely independent of anyone and anything–they belong solely to God. Despite the situations I have experienced, my relationship with God remains unmarred. Thank goodness.

Although I wish it did not have to take broken friends, family, and future to come to this point, all was necessary to empty me so that I could truly be filled up. I have joy, and joy is a beautiful thing.

This week, I have had a lot of time to reflect and consider my aspirations for the present and future. As the budget crisis causes eyes to turn toward Washington, I shudder knowing that Washington will not and cannot produce a solution. Policies are only as strong as principles are accurate, and the majority of our leaders hold on to beliefs that are blatantly false and inherently harmful. Where is the hope in this? The optimism exists in believing that my generation has the ability to return to moral absolutism and abolish arbitrary policies. This is achieved through an undying dedication to preserving our nation’s constitution—a belief held by many of the speakers I had the honor of listening to this past week.

Tuesday night, over 200 interns from Capitol Hill and surrounding conservative organizations ventured to the Jonathan House—a home for Christian young men—to hear from presidential candidate, Michele Bachmann. A crowd of students packed into the tiny front yard of the town house, as Michele Bachmann made her way to the front steps. Bachmann energetically greeted supporters and then began her address. After briefly recounting her childhood and personal conversion to Christianity, she expressed that America is great because America is good. There is not only a crimson thread of redemption traceable throughout the Bible, but throughout the world and life in general. Our nation was founded on Biblical truths, she explained, and only in a return to those truths is the restoration of our nation possible. She briefly proposed plans to resolve the current financial crisis, but concluded by stating that personal relationships with the God of the universe are what truly matter. I was genuinely impressed by her candor and compassion; unwavering principle is foundational to any leader.

Wednesday night, I attended “NRA University”, which was a program designed to enlighten students on the 2^nd amendment. The speaker used an Original Intent perspective to explain that the right to bear arms is an individual, not merely collective, right. She also provided evidence to stress the falsity in common anti-gunner arguments. “More gun equals more crime” was refuted by empirical evidence that more guns in the U.S. have significantly meant less crime nationally. Secondly, “encoding and registering ammunition is a reasonable solution to gun violence” was deemed illogical because, by definition, criminals are law breakers. They will get around the system no matter what. This concept only serves to punish the law abiding citizen. Lastly, “registering firearms will help deter crime”. The previous argument was used to dispel this idea. In conclusion, the speaker went on to describe the history of conflicts regarding the second amendment and the Supreme Court cases associated with them.

This week for speaker night, the interns prepared a Greek meal and hosted our very own Morton Blackwell, president and founder of the Leadership Institute. Upon Morton’s arrival, the conversation centered on Republican conventions and lasted well into the night. Morton shared his experiences with corrupted leadership and gave advice on how to combat such abuse—“stand up for what needs to be said and hold leaders accountable to their own rules”. He also answered a variety of questions, generally focused on the legalities of college conventions, as he was the Louisiana delegate to the College Republican Convention during the campaign of Barry Goldwater. It was fascinating to see how Morton applies a vast array of personal experiences to his laws of the public policy process. Additionally, it was refreshing to hear Morton’s optimism for the future. However, his hope was not absent a warning as he quoted Edmond Burke, “all that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing”. The responsibility rests on my generation.

To close off a busy week, I attended the Conservative Women’s Network luncheon at the Heritage Foundation. Kellyann Conway, president of the Polling Company, spoke on the role of femininity as it is replaces feminism. Are women discriminated against in political professions? Yes and no. Feminists look to the number of women holding political positions to determine the discrimination still existent; however, as Kellyann pointed out, this is entirely absurd. Inherent in the right to do something is a right not to do it. Women are equal, but different than men. If they prefer to stay at home and raise children—that is their right which should not be criticized. Men and women have different preferences and the fact that not as many women prefer to be involved in politics does not indicate that they are being discriminated against. Conversely, the media often discriminates against female politicians by focusing news time on their appearance rather than their content. This, Kellyann said, is something that should be combated through exposing contradictions and demanding appropriate coverage. She concluded that men and women are created equal, but different and the differences should be respected and not discriminated against.

This past week was truly encouraging, enlightening, and evoking. I was encouraged to hear many principled speakers outline the current moral denigration of our society, yet offer hope for restoration. Learning about the second amendment, the structure of political conventions, and femininity proved to be very enlightening—as many of these concepts are not widely discussed. Additionally, every speaker’s message of need for my generation evoked a desire to be a part of solving the problems facing the current generation as well as mine. It is truly incredible to attend so many wonderful events and have the privilege of meeting so many prominent individuals. I am very grateful for this opportunity and have begun to make more use of the few weeks remaining.

I have many regrets. This past year contains all too many thoughts I wish I hadn’t thought, feelings I wish I hadn’t felt, words I wish I hadn’t spoke, actions I wish I hadn’t performed, and hopes I wish I hadn’t fostered. So many times, I laid awake at night wishing I had handled things differently. Good–I learned. I gained so much knowledge through my many failings this year, and that’s where the story ends.

You’ve always heard that you can’t change the past; I don’t think there’s any dispute on that matter. But, don’t we all act like we can? Or that simply regretting something enough will right the wrong? Dwelling on a memory does not give you a second chance to make things right. In fact, it only occupies time–God’s time–that could be spent in service Him.

So what does living without regrets mean? My desire is not to live under the burden of past regrets, but to dwell in the hope of no regrets. Instead of constantly reminding myself of my failings, I have resolved to simply evaluate my mistakes, learn from them, and then devote my thoughts to avoiding them in the future.

How is a life to be lived without regrets? Daily, we have to answer moral questions and then act on those answers. Whether is it simply questioning the act of talking about someone behind their back, or a more serious decision requiring you to stand up against the ones you love for the sake of God’s law, moral choices are made constantly; choices that could bare consequences for a lifetime. Will you compromise or stand firm?

This summer, I have been faced with lots of difficult decisions. Numerous times I have found myself in awkward situations where the principles I abide by were cast in a gray light. One night, I remember seriously considering a situation that I could potentially place myself in–nothing would happen, no one would know, I would act responsibly even if those around me didn’t. Then I realized something: I was rationalizing.

Everything became clear in that moment. If I EVER had to justify something to myself, I should not be pursuing it. That wasn’t the conclusion I wanted to arrive at, but I knew it was right. It was settled. Whenever I find myself ethically evaluating a situation, whenever I struggle to reach a moral conclusion, whenever I pose a question in my mind–the answer is no.

Only once I am able to relinquish my justifying mind and let go of my god-like attempt to make law will I be free to live without the fear of future failings. There is no doubt that this is a hard decision to make; it has cost me lots of “fun” opportunities and required a lot of explaining. But, be reminded that those “fun” opportunities can come unattached to morally questionable pursuits. And, know that God will bless those who are faithful to Him. To me, the most wonderful feeling in the world is to live a life without regrets–to that end I would gladly give up a million “fun” things.

Monday began with the usual updating of conservative organizations—including 990s, contact information, administration, and LI’s contacts within various organizations. However, as the day progressed, I became responsible for a project of higher importance. Morton Blackwell, President of the Leadership Institute, was scheduled to speak at an American’s for Prosperity (AFP) conference on a given topic, while highlighting the former LI employees and students that currently work for AFP. In order to do so, Morton needed a comprehensive list of all AFP’s employee connections with LI and a list of trainings completed by each individual. This task fell to myself. Working with a highly unorganized and often faulty database led to a time consuming examination of many individual’s backgrounds; however, in the end correct information was supplied to Morton and subsequently AFP. As my last major administrative task, I reviewed feedback from previous LI schools and entered notable quotations in the “LID”, our database. This involved highlighting potential notable graduates—people who would be interesting to feature in our newsroom in years to come. Later in the week, I contacted two recent LI graduates and requested additional information on their experience with LI, accomplishments, and future goals that could be stressed in a potential newsroom story.

On Tuesday, I attended LI’s Public Speaking Workshop. At the time, I had not been informed that I would be drafting an article on the school; however, I fortuitously took down significant remarks made by the speakers and obtained feedback from several students.

Public Speaking Workshop—Tools for Both the Amateur and the Veteran Presenter
June 14, 2011, Arlington, VA— Conveying a message is more than the simple articulation of ideas; it involves stylistic and intentional verbiage, appropriate hand gestures and body movements, and a correct understanding of the audience. This past week, students learned how to relay an effective message through persuasive delivery at LI’s Public Speaking Workshop.

President of Roncalli Communications, Dr. John Shosky, discussed the importance of crafting goals for a speech based on the message and audience. “I know that I benefited greatly from Dr. Shoskey’s discussion on the substance of a good speech,” remarked student Andrew Patterson.

Ian Ivey, Program Expert for GSA, taught four roles imperative to becoming an excellent presenter. “You must be an expert, an owner, a performer, and a teacher through preparation and practice.”

Accompanied by energetic gestures and exclamations, Ivey shared various tips for effective communication. “Know 10 times what you’ll tell them; write good transitions that effectively relate things to one another; when your mouth is moving, you’re looking at someone’s eyes; intent is not result.”

“Both speakers were unique and had different deliveries, but were equally effective and very influential,” remarked Caitlin Byrd, assistant policy analyst at the National Tax Payers Union Foundation.

Student Andrew Patterson summed up his experience at the workshop. “The Leadership Institute’s Public Speaking Workshop provides public speaking tools that can be used by both the amateur and veteran presenter.”

The intern program includes hosting a “speaker night” each week. A prominent individual is invited to speak at the Sacher Intern House where he or she is introduced by a chosen intern. On Tuesday, Tim Goeglein arrived for dinner, where his presence had long been anticipated. Mr. Goeglein tapped his dinner knife gently on a tall glass of water—in a matter of seconds, the small living room was entirely silent and every eye was directed towards the head of the table. “What does it mean to be a conservative?” Tim inquisitively remarked. This is a common topic amid the plethora of talks given in DC; however, Tim’s approach to it was astonishingly uncommon. Situated on a bookshelf behind Mr. Goeglein was a bust of Robert E. Lee, to which he eagerly referenced as a leading conservative during the civil war. In the next breath, he just as adamantly claimed that Ulysses S. Grant was likewise a strong conservative. They were both extraordinarily principled, and principle forms the heart of a conservative.

Culture is preeminent—government is not. As it alludes, the term culture derives from the “cult”; the religion; the beliefs of the people. How do you change the culture? You change the values: the principles of the people. Tim stressed that reform starts with families and ultimately with fatherhood. Conservatives aspire to “be the next (insert acclaimed individual)”. Liberals aspire to be original, unique, and revolutionary. Conservatives are the ones who value hard work, small towns, calm lives, and family values. Liberals are the innovators, while conservatives are the loyal followers. There was a time when conservatives lost desire to hold onto the culture—they gave it up. In doing so, they lost claim on the prevalence of Judeo-Christian values; they lost the culture. The solution to our country’s problems is not government or policy—it is through Christian principles facilitated into the society. When asked for the steps that should be taken in reforming America, Tim simply remarked, “a return to Judeo-Christian morality—that is the only solution.”

As the evening came to a close, Tim unwaveringly stated that the future of America rests on the upcoming generation—my generation. He observed that there is a constant awareness of the moral decline in American among young people. Often, motivational, inspiring talks are given—however, rarely are practical steps that can be reasonably achieved outlined. Tim gave these steps: live out Christian morals, be a committed parent and friend, practice integrity, and do not feed the culture of moral decline. It starts with me. I am not required to promulgate a massive campus reform to affectively change the culture; I am only required to live consistently to my Christian convictions and carefully examine the movies I watch, the places I go, the words I speak, and the attitude I continually convey. Tim’s exhortation is not only a viable opinion—it is the only option, the only solution in transforming the culture. In the end, Mr. Goeglein was incredibly hopeful in a future generation of restoration—so were the interns. Since Tuesday’s talk, there have been countless conversations involving the application of principles in action. The best contribution I will make to my country is not feeding the cultural vacuum of moral degradation. Tim Goeglein was both informative and inspirational—truly one of the best speakers I have ever witnessed.

The enthusiastic attitude of the interns following the talk carried over into Thursday’s Capitol Hill visit. In the morning, we met with Congressman Jim Jordan of Ohio. Disappointingly, the visit was very brief, but Congressman Jordan did share some valuable advice. Jordan was a young wrestling coach when he became disturbed by the increasingly anti-conservative nature of our country. Motivated by a concern for family values and decreased spending, Jordan decided to run as a state representative. He was told to “pack up and go home”; that provoked and encouraged him even more. Despite Ohio’s governor, senators, and virtually every prominent state official endorsing his opponent, Jordan employed all of his facilities into hard work, leading him to unexpectedly win the 2006 election. Five years later in his small office framed with numerous family photos, Jordan encouraged us to find what we are passionate about and then whole heartedly pursue it against all odds. Dream big, because with hard work any dream is possible. After meeting with Congressman Jordan, we had a guided tour of the capitol building, which included a visit to the senate chambers where Harry Reid was discussing the issue of federal assistance for ethanol.

Thursday afternoon was spent promoting LI’s flagship Youth Leadership School by visiting over 250 congressman/congresswoman’s and senator’s offices. Personally, I was able to recruit several students on location and a large number have signed up for the school since our visit to the hill. After the walk, a group of interns ventured to the College Democrats of America National Convention. The purpose of this was twofold: to network with various students from across America, and hear their different take on issues in order to compose the most coherent rebuttals. The president of the CDA, Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, set the tone of the evening by rallying the room under cries for woman’s rights and the continuation of healthcare reform. “Government is the catalyst for change, NOT the problem” she exclaimed. While affording many accolades to President Obama, she also warned the room that the 2012 election is a threat to America’s future and that now is the time to rally together on campuses across the country and fight for the middle class. I was able to carry on several interesting conversations with various young democrats around the room (yes, I did say I was from Grove City College). It was overall a good and encouraging experience—as the event lacked substantial content and was highly under attended.

Amid all of the filing, documenting, writing, and recruiting, this week hosted some incredible opportunities. From meeting with Congressman Jim Jordan and visiting the senate to listening to Tim Goeglein speak, I learned a lot about the present state of our country, where solutions lie, and the role I play in those solutions. It is through hard work that I must unapologetically strive to live out my Christian principles in the current culture. Through personal relationships and individual connections, I can impact society in insurmountable ways. Although is it wonderfully encouraging to have Mr. Goeglein hold hope for my generation, it is more important for my generation to bare this hope. With confidence I conclude that the return to Judeo-Christian values is the only hope to reverse the moral decline present in our country. Washington cannot change the culture, but the culture is the only way to change Washington.

I always held that the sole intention of  dating should be marriage. I only ever wanted to like one guy, date one guy, love one guy, and eventually marry one guy. However, thoughts do not always align with desires; hopes do not always align with the heart. Is this belief realistic?

When it comes to love and marriage, it is absolutely realistic. In fact, a lot of times when it comes to dating it is realistic. Yet, buried in the “like” is a problem. Can emotions be controlled by will power? Can thoughts be harnessed by desires? If you establish in your mind that the situation is one way, will your heart reestablish and fight you back? I venture to say it will. How do you guard your heart?

Some girls “guard their hearts.” College freshman Alexandria Nogy didn’t date in high school because she didn’t see the logic of it. Dating for recreation: No. Investing time with marriage as the end goal: Yes, “otherwise it doesn’t lead to anything productive.” Maintaining “emotional purity” isn’t easy, and sometimes girls get into heart relationships despite their best efforts to monitor their thoughts.

PHC student Hannah Farver invested: Now she is “coming off a failed relationship” and a realization that some of what she formerly preached about courtship doesn’t work. Since she didn’t believe in “casual dating,” she had to be either emotionally separate from the guy, or engaged to him: “If you are dedicated to emotional purity, you are afraid. You either risk nothing or you risk everything.” We talked about which Jane Austen book captures what she’s trying to say: She suggested half Sense and Sensibility (because of Eleanor’s emotional reserve), and half Persuasion (the waiting and waiting), but “without any chance of a happy Austenish ending.” (WORLD Magazine)

You either risk everything, or you risk nothing. Your heart must be guarded to a certain point–the point at which you know if something were to happen and you let it go, it would be safe. But, beyond that…it is dangerous waters. It is impossible to increasingly grow close to someone without getting emotionally involved. This calls for great caution and awareness.

My view on relationships has change. Six months ago I thought that it was simple: friends or not friends, like or not like. But, that exposes great naivety. There is not a defining moment in a relationship where a magic switch is turned and two people like each other. There does not have to be a title to make the emotions involved existent. Emotions will exist as people draw closer together and it doesn’t matter what it’s called or not called–it’s a form of dating. The line is incredibly blurry.

I have seen so much hurt originate from relationships that never involved “dating”. Just because you do not title something, does not mean it does not exist. Guarding your heart involves more than just will of the mind and abstention from an outward relationship. It means protecting emotions and not getting emotionally involved with someone without a committed relationship in view. Are you ready to acknowledge the situation and risk it all? Because if not, you will be in an emotional relationship with no commitment or communication. Nothing could be worse.

Just a thought.

Flashback to six months ago: college freshman overwhelmed with a decision to graduate in three years, frustrated with a seemingly endless about of homework, over committed to various organizations, and confused in so many friendships. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t know how to feel. All I knew was…I better not fail anything.

When I heard about an internship in DC, it was only fitting that I apply. For years, all I wanted to do was to go to DC and leave my mark on an increasingly progressive and morally degrading government. However, I knew in the back of my mind that I would not receive such an opportunity; it would be too good to be true. After all, “I’m only a freshman” I thought.

Apparently God didn’t agree. On a Monday afternoon, I got the call. I would be going to DC for the whole summer! I felt like someone had handed me the moon and I wasn’t entirely sure what I was supposed to do with it. Maybe, I wasn’t supposed to know. Maybe, I was just supposed to trust that His plan is superior to my expectations. That would be hard.

Here I am–sitting on a little bed looking out a second floor window down on a wooded street in beautiful Arlington, VA living my dream. I have learned so many things this past week, these past months, and this past year. In less than a year, I have gained more wisdom than I have picked up throughout my entire life. I am making decisions that will bare significance for the rest of my life. Is that allowed?

Hello freedom. Hello responsibility. Hello leadership. Hello initiation. Hello trials. Hello laughter. Hello hurt. Hello joy. Hello Summer. Hello new friends. Hello new world. Hello new beginning.

Hello DC.

              None the less, this trip should be a blast. Amenities include swimming, paddle boating, hiking, drive in movies, and lots of fun and laughs! It will be very interesting and hopefully I will gain a better opinion of living in the Great Outdoors!

           Now, special events, home movies, and just plain, well, movies, can be watched much more clearly! Ummm, maybe I should dig for more interesting posts….none the less, I consider a trivial item that brings joy, a little joy of life.

Before

After

          Well, lastly, the Revelations part in the title refers to some the the great new ideas for my room. My mother had the idea of painting a small portion of the wall (the part behind my door) with blackboard paint. Crazy? Maybe. Tacky? Maybe. Too weird? Quite possibly. However, I have decided to do it, after all whats the worst that could happen, right? In addition to that, we place a desk in my closet-to maximize room space.

          All in all, it was a very successful renovation, and I am thoroughly pleased with my new room!